Tales of the Fabulous One

Tales, of Someone who enjoys being called Fabulous...AND IS!!!!

Name:
Location: Planet, Earth

I speak...english... sometimes...

Saturday, December 17, 2005

MATH DANCE!!!

STEP #1-Ball up both your hands and place them in the air (water, nothingness, wherever you get a signal)
STEP #2-As one, move them in VEEERRRRY little circles.
STEP #3-Every 10 seconds or so say "TIMES IT!" and draw a quick X in the air, or say "EQUAAAaalls!" draw an + sign with smooth movements
STEP #4-Go back to moving your hands in front of you, your body needn't move. Keep a solemn face.

ISN'T THAT WONDERFULL?!?!? ><;;

Saturday, December 10, 2005

My eyes.... Let me tell you about them!

My eyes burn with a chocolatey goodness! Here's what happened....
It is a cold morning here on Earth, and I was not immune to the cold. I zipped up my polartech© (that stuff is what dreams are made of...). I was stillcold. I looked over to my fridge, then up to the cupboard where we keep the powdered chocolate for chocolate milk. I looked back and forth between the two of them for like, 10 minutes before my brain could actually concoct anything. I walked over, got a cup, got out the milk, poured the milk into the cup, grabbed a spoon, took down the chocolate milk mix by whacking it with a crossbow. I then spooned tons of chocolate powder into the milk. As we all know, the powder doesn't immediately sink to the bottom of the stupid cup. I wanted to speed things up, so I blew on it. Instead of pushing it to the bottom, my breath made the powder come back AT ME, and hence into my eyes. But never fear, my eyes only burned with a chocolately deliscious-ness (I was torn between the pain in my eyes and how nice the chocolate smelled, I'm hopeless) for a few minutes. AND I HAD MY SIGHT BACK WITHIN MOMENTS! I didn't drink the chocolate milk after that though...


Moral: Never blow on powdered chocolate, bad things happen.

More things that annoy me...(and most other bouqets of roses)

I was just on the phone with a good friend of mine, and that talk inspired me to write this "Things that piss off the people around you," read it well. You will make many friends if you follow these guidlines (or not, I'm not a phsycic)

Thing not to do #1- Try not to say or ask the SAME thing again, and again. I know you may not have heard them correctly, but you're just going to have to LIVE with it, don't make the other person suffer because you can't focus.

Thing not to do #2- Offer activities that you may like, and they probably don't. Stuff like that stress the limits of many people's patience and manners. A wise telemarketer once said (whist in the UC room at the local hospital) that " It is better not to push and push on sujects that may be interperted as annoying. It is also better to teach yourself to ask what they like and learn patience in doing so, instead of persisting and forcing them to 'teach' you 'patience.'" Like candle shopping. When someone I know asked me if mayhap I would like to go candle shopping with them. The first response that popped into my head was, " Like h**l I do. God knows we could never have enough candles." but what I really said was, "Sure!" Most people would have chucked a spoon at the request-er's head, but not I. (I prefer to chuck hotel phamplets.) Why go?, you may be wondering. I go on such dull outings because I know that it's better to have shopped for candles and made a friend happy, than not shop for candles, retain some vague sense of sanity, and get on with my life. If that made sense to you, something is wrong.

Thing not to do #3- Offer bran muffins. THEY ARE THE OPPISITE OF ANYTHING THAT MAY HELP YOUR REALTIONSHIP!! THEY ARE FROM THAT PLACE THAT ANYONE WHO (supposedly) DOESN'T BELIEVE IN GOD GOES!! THAT PLCE WHERE ALL TELEMARKETERS THAT CALL AT DIN DIN ARE HEADED!!! AVOID BRAN MUFFINS!!

There ya' go.

Friday, December 09, 2005

The birth of the Fabulous One

'Twas a fine autumn day. The wind was blowing, the trees were cold and bare. Wolves prowled the edges of the village. And then the day was over. And everyone was still alive. And you are finding out that we care NOTHING for this day.

THE ACTUAL BITH
You may be wondering, "Does she know how to spell 'birth?'" But I reallllly meant BITH, not birth. Why would I write about a birth? The fabulous One was created in a 'bith.'

For those of you who don't know what a bith is...


BITH:
adj.(Bî-t-hhh); 1:A losing game of poker 2: A pancake that is taped to a duck 3: The creation of something through poodles. I SAID POODLES AND I MEANT POODLES!!

(ahem)
So there ya' go...

Something utterly not associated with the Fabulous One.......

Just to let you people know, I have some very cold opinions on certain things. These opinions tend to burn the flesh from your pancake if you read them. Here they are:
-Bran. I hate bran, it is just a cheap "healthy" rip-off of flour and corn meal. And it tastes like crap. I mean, diet books say stuff like, "Eat this, it's goooood for youuuu," and I'm all like, " Why the banana should I do that when i could be eating deliscious cornmeal? ANSWER ME STUPID BOOK!" And that rude book never answers me. You know WHY it doesn't answer me? Because it knows I'm RIGHT, and just isn't brave enough to admit it. Stupid book.

-Books are SO much better than computers. I mean, their not fickle in the least, tend to only have one person controlling it, and wont keep telling you that "YOU COULD BE A HUGE WINNER IF YOU CLICK HERE!!!" And you can take books wherever. They don't cause technical difficulties when you try to use the on a plane in flight. And they are great self-defense tools as well. I mean, try chucking a hard-drive or a moniter at an attacking monkey. THAT wouldn't hold that monkey off for a seccond.

-Coneheads are the bane of my existence. I'm serious! They freak me out. If we were ever intended to have cones for heads, frogs would ride unicorns into the sunset each Tuesday. And how could anyone find them funny? Their monotones and claims at a french heritage are..........terrifying. The words "cone" and "head" shouldn't even be in the same sentence. Se if you ever see an anti-conehead crusade, look for me. I'll be there.